Hello again…more trivia and nonsense from the Mother Country, before we head north to York, Scotland ( to visit Andy’s dad at Wemyss Bay on the Clyde), then Haworth and Chester (Liverpool, Manchester and Royal Birkdale where I intend to destroy Par  ???)

1.  During our time here, we have had to celebrate the lives of many famous “Pomes’…..Cilla Black, David Bowe, the Beetles  manager, many famous soccer players…and believe me the English are very good at celebrating the lives of their own (except Jimmy Saville for obvious reasons).

The recent death of Ronnie Corbett attracted particular attention. The following Corbett stories were some of the widely published clips from this very clever man...

•  "A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not telling me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?"
• "There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done."
• "All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my right hand."
• "For some time, my wife's had this ridiculous idea that I'm playing too much golf. Actually, it came to a head at about 11.30 last night. She suddenly shouted at me: "Golf, golf, golf. All you ever think about is bloody golf!". And I'll be honest, it frightened the life out of me. I mean, you don't expect to meet somebody on the 14th green at that time of night."
• "French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the grape treaders' sit-in."
• "It was revealed in a government survey published today that the prime minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy."
• "We'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed a Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame"
• "This week I was asked to do a very important after-dinner speech. I said: "Do you want me to be funny?" They said: "No, just be yourself."

2.  Fuel costs …I think you Aussies are paying about $1.00 per litre for unleaded. Over here we are paying 1 pounds per litre (i.e. $2.00 per litre !!)

4.  Some people have lawns, decks, chooks, swimming pools, etc in their backyards….others have ducks and swans in the Test River. (Ours is the ground floor apartment on the left with the BBQ on the deck)

5.  Some quotes that may not be universally acclaimed …

“When I first read about the evils of drinking, ….I gave up reading…”  Henry Youngman

“He was a nice man who invented beer”  Plato

“ Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy” Benjamin Franklin

“Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder” Unkown

"I never met a beer that I didn’t drink” Unkown

6.  KIDS KORNER

A couple from Ronnie Corbett….

• "A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals."
•  
• "After a series of crimes in the Melbourne area, Chief Inspector Tony has announced that he is looking for a man with one eye. If he doesn't find him, he's going to use both eyes.”

Do you know that all mammals have jaws…but only humans have chins !!!

7.  Finally, I thought I would repeat an oldy but a goodie…and also a true one

A Story of two Dads ..

“His name was Flemimg, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screamimg and struggling to free himself.

Farmer Flemming saved the lad from could have been a slow and terrifying death. The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the farmers sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the farther of the boy Farmer Flemming had saved.

“I want to repay you” said the Nobleman. “you saved my son”

“No, I can’t accept payment for what I did” the Farmer replied waving off the offer.

At that moment, the farmers own son came to the door of the family hovel.

“Is that your son? the Nobleman asked. “Yes”  the farmer proudly replied.

“I’ll make you a deal. Let me take him and give him a good education. If the lad is anything like his father, he’ll grow to be a man you can be proud of”

And that he did.  In time, Farmer Flemmings’ son graduated from St Mary’s Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Flemming, the discoverer of penicillin.

Years afterwards, the nobleman’s son was stricken with pneumonia.. What saved him ? Penicillin

The name of the Nobleman ? Lord Randolph Churchill

His son’s name ? Sir Winston Churchill …."

…what goes around come around,,,

Cheers again…not many editions to go

Dad/Ton